If you have a problem, fix it. But train yourself not to worry, worry fixes nothing. - Ernest Hemingway

Thursday, 1 December 2016

Yesterday, today, and …

Yesterday was cloudy and windy. Except for brief moments of life-giving light, the sun was hidden behind the grey smog that covers Bengaluru often. It was gloomy almost through the entire day.

Yesterday was not just another day.  

It had begun brightly. There was a lovely message from a splendid young woman, someone who is like a daughter to me. I was touched.

But then came bad news from two quarters. Two other people who too are close to my heart are going through terrible times. For no fault of theirs, I believe. I believe because I know one of them for twenty years and the other for even longer. They are both wonderful souls and the kind of allegations that have been leveled against them … I would have perhaps believed had they been leveled against me … but not them. Never, not in a million years. They just cannot be true. Period.

And the icing on the bitter cake was a strange, completely unexpected response from a friend. One of our major failings is that we presume we know our friends, and accept them for what they are – good and bad. But every human being is like an ocean, it’s presumptuous to believe you know someone. And the worst part is that if you are hurt by a friend, it’s like a self-goal. There is no consolation.

The treble whammy nearly knocked me off. Gone was my to-do list. I couldn’t even sleep. So at around 11 in the night I went out and walked as briskly as my legs would take me … until I was physically exhausted.


When I got up today, there was clear sunshine. As I looked out, a huge cirrus cloud smiled broadly from the firmament. The blue sky that stretched to infinity. The universe smiled at me … the universe compared to what I, with my happiness and sorrow, fulfilments and failures, friends and strangers, am as insignificant as an isolated sub-atomic particle from my body would be to me.

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter. Nothing does.

Bengaluru / 1 December 2016

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